Baby, don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more.

What is love? Its been described as a tingly feeling, a punch in the gut, or a somewhat magnetic pull that attracts to it’s polar opposite. An although I feel I have been in love, I have never had these feelings when meeting someone’s eyes at first sight. Instead of waiting a lifetime to feel these somewhat unreasonable symptoms, I will lead myself to love, and no matter what all might say, it is possible to lead oneself to love.
A man must pass my checklist of love to even be considered for a chance of winning my heart. He must make me laugh. He must be able to make me smile. I can’t stand a relationship unless it contains, many disagreements, at least one quarrel a week, and threats to leave the other every other month.
It is these imperfections that we fall in love with. And maybe these imperfections are why I believed I was in love in the past. Yes, I am contradicting myself. But, I have honestly been convinced that these things are what make people fall in love.
Fatal attraction, that’s what they call it. So why shouldn’t some of a relationship be lethal? I suppose it is possible that this tingly feeling exist, but I have never felt it, so how could it be real? I have been in love after all, or maybe I just had love for that person, and never really fell into it. Perhaps that is what makes it fatal, the falling part. I suppose I only walked into it, or was brought into it, just like my mother bringing me into the world.
From the day I was born, I loved her, but there was no falling required. No risk of injury, no chance of rejection. It was just love, the only love at first sight I am sure I have experienced.
Looking is hard, maybe I’m just looking too hard.
It could be right in front of me, or down the street.
All I know is, love is not here, and that is exactly where I want it.

Sleeping Sickness

Or Sickness, causing me to lose sleep.
My left nostril is horribly clogged, sorry for the graphic terms, but it is bugging the shit out of me.
Central was fun, I got to hangout with my friend Danielle and have good talks about things like guys and dance. Although our fun was interrupted by a very drunk girl who found out her friend stole her car/phone.
I somehow convinced my mom to let me stay a whole weekend out there, hoping that Danielle can introduce me to a nice college boy.
I also convinced her to let me stay home from school until 5th hour, or 12:10.

Shannon, my marine, isn't coming home as soon as I thought. This just about crushed my day. He also can't text anymore, which is how he was keeping me updated. So, these two months need to come and go.




"But I need to know,
That you'll come back to me...
In my arms,
Oh, you'll come back to me"
- Elisa

So, I was laying in bed less than like ten minutes ago and got this idea.
So, like usual I wrote it down, but unlike usual it actually went somewhere.
So what did I do? I recorded it.
Yeah, I know, this is a first.
And my voice isn't so great.
Not to mention, while singing the last line, I messed up.

But, here are the lyrics, and I am trying to upload the clip.

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Laying in bed
Staring off into space
Doesn’t take much time to imagine your face
Lying next to me
Happy like we used to be

In my room
These four walls closing in
It’s my personal tomb
And I’m lying here
You’re not next to me
Like you always used to be

And I whisper
Into the empty air
Yes I whisper
The spirits I try not to scare
Please come back to me
Loved things the way they used to be

Ceiling fan spins at steady pace
And I can’t seem to forget that look upon your face
You were next to me
Scared, you never used to be

Lights shine in
Your smile disappears
My cheeks moist
With your tears
They just came to me
Things are nothing like they used to be

why yes sir, my camper is happy.

I am unbelievably happy right now.
My senior picture went great.
I have Arby's sitting next to me.
And the best news yet, Shannon is probably coming home.
He might be getting a medical discharge from the Marine's(:
This days has gone from horrible to amazing.

Now if this laundry would just wash itself.

Gone,

Well lucky you, off to a distant land
Here I’m stuck in my hometowns watchful hand
Who would have thought we’d only have a day
Till you would kiss my lips, then whispering
Don’t worry, I’ll be back soon, just don’t count the days

The days, written in the back of the notes I take in class
Crossing each out on a day to day base
Maybe I’m too anxious
You would say I’m just young
Lingering over those two last days of fun

Summer ended weeks ago
But somehow when you were here, it didn’t show
It didn’t show
Now you’re gone, and here I am
Waiting for a call, a word, to know your fate isn’t damned
I know I’m naive, and you are so strong
Please come back, when these winter days are gone

A single call could bring me to my feet
Glowing a happy, just look at me
You would swear I had conquered some great deed
That same connection, brought me to my knees
Begging a God I don’t pray to, to take my pain and replace it with ease

Summer ended weeks ago
But somehow when you were here, it didn’t show
It didn’t show
Now you’re gone, and here I am
Waiting for a call, a word, to know your fate is no longer damned
I know I’m naive, and you are so strong
Please come back, when these winter days are gone

Days I have crossed out in class
All of them have come and passed
But you’re still not home, you haven’t come back to me
Another call, this one from across the sea
Five bucks a minute, seems like a small fee

Winter ended weeks ago
When you were gone, I know it showed
Now you’re back, you’re waiting there
At the end of an isle, with a joyous stare
I know I’m naive, and you are so strong
You came back from me, those long winter days gone

Stand, Run, Walk.

I run
With you next to me
Taking shape
This day, it feels meant to be
We’re side by side
Where we’ll stay for life
You may grow sick
Of my childish games
My twisting of words, my reversal of sayings
But as long as everything points to happiness
Forever, you will run next to me

I stand
With you across from me
Familiar eyes
Meeting again
We’ve met, but never thought anything would come to be

I walk
With you behind me
Another stranger on the street
You’re with another her that isn’t yet me

Congress & SADD

First congress meeting was today, we accomplished a ton:
New York, New York theme dance.
Same theme for pep assembly.
Smile by Uncle Kracker is the song for homecoming.

SADD's first meeting was today too:
Watched a slide show.
Very surprised when a picture of me from prom popped up on the screen.
Oh, and I spilled my pop twice.

It should be a funnnnnnnnn and very busy year.
It will all work out (:

Things to do in the next month:
Buy shoes for homecoming.
Get a tanning package.
Save for parking pass.
Get car insurance paid.
And I would say get a date, but by choice, I am going stag (:

Man Eater.

I will admit. I suppose I rushed into a relationship after breaking up with Brandon. So I have decided it is in my best interest to stay single and free for awhile. Maybe go on a date or two.
This decision was made at Rams Horn last night, while Alex and I ate potato skins and drew on our place mats.
Rams Horn. I will switch the subject of this entry to Rams Horn. It's where me and Alex go at least once a week. And I drink countless cups of coffee.
Last night; however, both bus boys/ coffee fillers, were extremely hot.
So before we left, I wrote a little note on my place mat, reading "I ♥ any guy that refills my coffee." And as we walked out of the store I looked back at both guys cleaning off our table, and made eye contact with the really tall hot one.
I think Rams Horn will be our new Saturday night tradition.

it's what i got, then i gave up.

So one day I’m not good enough
The next you want me in your bed
Baby I know these games you’re playing
Honestly, it’s making me go mad in the head

I could say I’ll always love you
Even when you’re throwing me aside
Honey, I’m not letting you get away with it
Trying to steal away my pride

talk about easy,

This was probably the best day of school I have ever experienced.
First hour, we sat there in the back of my teacher's Algebra 1B class, because we haven't been assigned a classroom yet.
Second hour, we chilled in the LMC and told the librarians a little bit about ourselves.
Third hour, we interviewed another person and presented to the class.
Fourth hour, my teacher told us that if someone asks us to add 11/16ths and 25/9ths, to give them the finger and tell them to switch to the metric system.
Lunch, we claimed 2 tables, and scared some freshman that decided to sit at the end of one.
Fifth hour, we ran passes from the offices, and talked about college stuff.
Sixth hour, well, as interesting as pre-calculus is, we got called to an assembly for seniors.


This is it, 156 more days of school to go.
268 days in general.

After I got home today, I slept from 3 till 6, so hopefully I will be able to sleep tonight.
But, Flipping Out is on at 10 (:
Goodnight.

Truck beds.

"I'm a thourough-bred
That's what she said
In the back of my truck bed
As I was gettin' buzzed on suds
Out on some back country road.
We where flying high
Fine as wine, having ourselves a big and rich time
And I was going, just about as far as she'd let me go.
But her evaluation
Of my cowboy reputation
Had me begging for salvation
All night long
So I took her out giggin frogs
Introduced her to my old bird dog
And sang her every Wilie Nelson song I could think of

And we made love"

This morning, I woke up in Jeff's truck bed.
I woke up wearing a mystery hoodie, that no one would claim as their own.
There was a mysterious liquid, a shade of brown, ready to drip onto my head.
I sat down to eat breakfast, I belched so loud Derek blamed it on Jeremy, and then I decided to rest my head on the table. In return, falling back asleep on the table me and Alex were eating on.
It was a great way to spend the last weekend of summer vacation, and I got lots of pictures, all up on Facebook.
Work tomorrow, it should be as boring as any other Monday.
Bed around nine, school Tuesday at seven twenty five.

move on, or out.

So, I filled out an application online today for Central Michigan University. My grades aren't as great as they should be, but I still have a decent shot at getting in.
My mother however has denied to pay the application fee, because she is dead set on me staying home and going to University of Michigan Dearborn. And even if I do go there, she has threatened to take my car away if I try to move out.
So here's my thing. Nothing against U of MD, but I really do not want to go there. I really do want to get out of my house, and even if that means asking my dad if I can move in with him, I will do it.
Most would say I can't afford to move out on what I make. But to be honest, I would take a second job (which I plan on doing next summer, and saving all earnings) to pay the bills.
Ugh, it has been a bad night.

goodnight.

Happy september.

Would you kiss anyone you have texts from in your phone?
Sure, why not?

Have you done anything sneaky lately?
Yeah, probably.

Is love really worth fighting for?
Yeah, always.

Have you broken the law in the last 3 days?
Yes, I speed.

How many cigarettes have you smoked today?
None.

At your best friend's house, do you know where they keep their silverware?
Yes sir.

What color is YOUR hair?
Eh, it's fading to a reddish brown.

Do you look decent when you wake up?
Now I do, since I got my new hair cut.

Say you marry the last person you texted, what's your new last name?
Armbrust.

Are any of your texts in your inbox locked and why?
None, I feel no need to forever save text.

What's the last thing you laughed really hard over?
That 70's Show.

Were you happy when you woke up today?
No, I forgot to shut the shade last night, so the sun woke me up.

If you could go back in time, how far back would you go?
I don't think I would.

If there were no letters on the keys on your keyboard could you still type?
Kinda.

Do you wear your seat-belt in the car?
Always.

Will you talk to someone on the phone tonight?
Nah.

In the past week have you cried?
I've come close, I never really break down now.

When is the next time you'll fly on a plane?
God, I have no clue.

Does someone like you right now?
Yes, I do.

Do you think you will be married in 5 years?
Who knows?

What were you doing at 12:00 last night?
Coming home from taking Kyle to Al's house.

Do you like anyone right now?
Of course.

Do you ever think about the past?
Yeah. I am trying to get past it.

As of this minute, what is going through your mind?
That 70's Show.

Last person you hung out with?
Alex.

What do you wear more, jeans or sweats?
Jeans.

If your best friend was kicked out, would your parents let him/her live with you?
Sure, I don't think she would want to though.

Would you ever eat a bug for 1,000 dollars?
Yeah.

Do you have any older siblings?
One.

How did you get your last bruise?
Um, I burned my neck with the curling iron.

Do you have a good relationship with your mother?
Eh, pretty much.

Are any of your friends taller than you?
All of them.