special K

I am trying to Special K challenge. Two weeks that consist of two bowls of cereal a day two regular meals (healthy) snack bars supplied by Special K, and get this I even got the Protein Water. Two weeks and I either go down a pants size or loose a few lbs, depending on how strict I stay to it!

A rose that never dies.

Scream at the top of my lungs.
Throw my arms out and fall backwards into Alex's pool with all my close on.
Close my eyes and lay in the grass, muttering a old warn out wish.
Walk miles to get where I need to be going.
Say I am going to stay up all night and pass out a eleven.
Realize how lame my life it, and how I love it.
Blow off responsibility and just have fun.
Leave my house and trail of tears behind me.
Say goodbye to my love, and hello to a summer where my friends are all that matter.

Tied together with a smile but you're coming undone.

Finals are coming up. About a week and that means lots of studying, sleepless nights, eyes filled with stress and not a minute of fun. Not! I will not study for a single class. I will wake up ten minutes before the bus comes, throw on sweats grab my fully charged iPod and a sweatshirt to use as a pillow. My philosophy on finals at the end of the year is, fuck it. I passed the class, all I have to do is fill in some bubbles, sneak in my iPod and a snack/ beverage and be sure to get as many Z's a humanly possible. Friday June 6th, Geometry Final and Marketing II Final

Monday June 9th, Intro to Biology Final and Health Final

Tuesday June 10th, English 10 Final, US History Final
Last day of school, and first half day of summer!

Second hour marketing.

10 days left of school and I am driving myself crazy. I have to survive. I will. June will be fun, then Brandon leaves for two months. I will miss him, but I will not ban myself from the joy I would have any other summer.
Sometimes I wonder if anyone even reads my blog, looks forward to every post?

MY ATTEMPT

Before:

After:

Comments?

Artist.

Before

After

I envy the artist in my school, not the popular kids or skinny pretty girls.
It's like no matter how hard they have it in the school they always have a place to escape to in the safety of the art room.
I envy my sisters style, and her out of the box friends talent.
I envy the fact that they will one day be famous, or at least happy and I will be running around a lab or hospital somewhere and just blend in with the hundreds of other nurses and receptionist.
How is it possible for someone to take a picture and it look so beautiful, but when I take the same one it looks like crap?
In my world, the artsy position has already been taken.
My sister gets praise over her various works of art, which she deserves because it is amazing.
And people gloat about how great her personal style is and how she is so cute all the time, which she also has and is.
And what do I get?
Nothing, I can't even brag about high grades, beautiful pieces of art.
Hell I wanted to write at one point in my life, but I am not good at that.
When people ask what I want to do when I get older I simply say I want to find the cure to AIDS.
They laugh because they know it's not true.
I laugh because I know all I want to do when I get older is be like her.
Sad how a younger sibling goes all their life trying to declare their differences from their sibling and then gets a little older and realizes they want nothing more but to be like them.
As liked as they are.
s stylish as they are.
As praised over as they are.
As successful as everyone knows they are going to be.

Eminem, sinus pills and the sun.

I had a flash back to 7th and 8th grade last night. As me, Alex and Kerry "pop, locked and dropped it" and danced and humped to Ay Bay Bay we decided to put on some Eminem on. Alex was aware, but not Kerry, that I used to be obsessed with him in middle school. As Without Me, Loose It, The Real Slim Shady and My name is played Kerry was amazed that Alex and I knew every lyric. So was I, considering I haven't really listened to him in awhile. Anyways, below is my favorite MTV/ Eminem moments. Enjoy!

A little you didn't know about me.

I hate the dark.

Scary movies scar me for life.

My biggest fear isn't the dark it is loosing my friends.

I don't eat biscuits and gravy because I was force feed them in West Virgina,

I can never make up my mind whether I like my body or not,

I laugh when people say banana or pickle.

I want a loft apartment in Chicago,

I want a huge wedding, I love looking at wedding dresses, it is my disease.

I get really jealous of certain people but learn to get over it.

I sleep walk and wake up crying.

Music can change my whole mood for the day.

I don't think people realize how much I would kill to live in the 60's or 90's again

When I listen to music I mainly listen to the lyrics and if I say I love a certain song one day it is
because of the lyrics.

I really try to come across strong to people that see me, but I can just as easily break down.

I want to take part in an anti war protest and get arrested.

I want to make a difference or at least stand for a cause.

I want to be part of a generation that made a mark on our country and the world, all we are
doing is killing it.

done with what we've lost.

Sing me anything,
we're glad for what we've got,
Done with what we've lost
Our whole lives laid out right in front of us,

Sing like you think no one's listening,
You would kill for this,
Just a little bit,
Just a little bit,
You would,

Sing like you think no one's listening,
You would kill for this,
Just a little bit,
Just a little bit,
You would, you would....

Sing me something soft,
Sad and delicate,
Or loud and out of key,
Sing me anything.






The bold is my point for todays blog :]

skipping school :]

I haven't missed a single day this semester so mom let me stay home.
I have dress rehearsal for dance tonight and my dress isn't sewn yet and my shoes don't have ribbon on them. I am pretty sure I don't have the make up I need. My hair isn't long enough to put up securely. And I have no clue if my dance teacher is going to remember to bring me my jewelry, I think she will.
I love dancing on stage. The butterflies in my stomach before I preform is my favorite feeling in the world.

For such a little girl I sure am strong.

And she looked up at the sky and screamed, "Hey you, guy in the sky. I think we have a bad connection." She glanced down at her bright green Converse, then shot her thought filled eyes back towards the sun. And even though the iris's of her eyes burned she continued to stare until she blurted out, "I think I am going to hang up, I don't plan on calling back."
No response. Like she expected one. A bolt of lighting probably wouldn't shake the look of disgust, disappointment and despair out of the gray eyes in which they were held.
Feet plastered to the pavement made her ponder where she would travel to next. The scene in front of her was nothing more then a myth in three dimensional building form. The cross no more then just a T that couldn't decided whether it wanted to be upper or lower case.
Tears strolled down her cheeks. The sweatshirt her late boyfriend gave her had now become a tissue. Late, the word has many meanings. Not late for a date, or last and latest. He was gone. But surprisingly enough this loss wasn't the reason she had decided to give up any shred of faith, if you could call it that, that she had left.
She prayed, before this day of course. For what? Who knows? Happiness, no. She prayed for insanity. She wanted to relive the life that she had already lived. This past life was horrid, abusive, tear filled. She wanted to do it over, but she knew she would get the same result. Insanity, doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.

Birds in my ears and a devil on my shoulder.

What can I say, other than life has been pretty great lately. Well for the past 3 months I have been so happy. Things have just been looking up. Relationships with my two close friends have gotten so much better, I am loving this guy named Brandon, school is going better and less antagonizing to walk into each an everyday. Maybe some things are seeming better because summer is almost here, only 3 and a half weeks or something like that. I mean here's what I have to look forward to this summer:

• A awesome week straight with Brandon before he leaves for camp.
• Mindless Self Indulgence concert.
• Being "Townies" with Alex and Kerry and perhaps Andy for the duration of the summer.
• Swimming.
• Beaching.
• Tanning.
• Hanging with some new people.
• Working.
• Lots of letter writing
• Some Dancing.
• Brandon getting home and going on the family camping trip with us, hopefully.

It is going to be a very relaxed summer, that's all I want. But until then my weeks will be pretty hectic. For example this weeks schedule looks like this:

• Monday - Mothers day belated dinner.
• Tuesday - With Brandon then dance.
• Wednesday - Work.
• Thursday - With Alex or Brandon, idk.
• Friday - Dress rehearsal for dance.
• Saturday - Work.
• Sunday - Relaxing time.

I just want to get out of school, people are really starting to piss me off, and that is hard to do. I never get pissed at people, I always try to make things better and as of right now my fuse is lit and dumb bitches make it burn faster. So back away.


Peace.
Carley, wanna be peace maker.

I hear the weather's nice in California

Drama, girls, boys, stress, forceful tactics, being judged around the clock, haters, lovers, lock downs, bomb threats, escape routes, favorites. Lets just sum it up, "HIGH SCHOOL".

I have been a high and mighty high schooler for two years, only two years, here is some guidelines and things I have learned:

(1)Never think the people you are friends with your ninth grade year will be there for you in another year or so.
(2)Become "friends" with at least one teach. Meaning have one teacher to exchange sarcastic insulting comments with.
(3)Try to have a close nit group of friends, a couple close friends and a few not so close.
(4)When it comes to huge group of friends, no one really likes each other.
(5)Envious ones will become haters.
(6)Drama, try to avoid it.
(7)Never argue, calmly talk(or IM) well they freak out, trust me.
*(8)Don't sink down to the level of hate, it's not a good look on anyone.
(9)I suggest keeping your friends closer and pretending your enemies don't exist.
(10)Be yourself. After a year and a half I finally learned that I shouldn't care what they think about me. I wear what I want, date who I want, and say what I want. Who cares if they care?

*not personal. just general.

LOVE ADDICT - family force 5

This song is amazing!

Preppy girlfriend and emo boy minus the genitalia

Talk about Seventeen material. Me and my friends would be some odd yet hot models. The emo guy "boyfriend" is actually my friend Alex. Preppy clingy girl "girlfriend" is me obviously. I never dress so preppy but my friend Kerry "photographer" was walking behind me and Alex, we were holding hands and said we looked like the perfect mix match couple. Photo op. Pull out Alex's cell and my digital camera and look what we got.

Above: Preppy "clingy" Girlfriend
Emo "gone" Boyfriend

People in my life:

Mother (aka Wendy)- Gave birth to me blah blah :]
Father (aka Craig)- Raised me with mother for three years, in a different state everyday almost, I don't see him much
Sister (aka Amber)- I love her, we fight. I steal her clothes, it's all good. She gives me good advice on life.
Sister 2 (aka Maya)- Love her, not super close. That could all change.
Cousin (aka Tiffany)- I tell her everything, I have done crazy things with her. She is my concert buddy.
Step Dad (aka Larry)- Goof ball, I hate his annoying actions, love that he is there for me.
Step Mom (aka bitch, I mean Angela)- I could careless.
Best Friend 1 (aka Alex)- We have been together for 7 years, I can't imagien life without her. Plus she is the only one that puts up with my annoying actions well. I LOVE HER.
Best Friend 2 (aka Kerry)- Used to hate me, hates me every now and then. I love her!
Boyfriend (aka Brandon)- I love him, met him in my 9th grade Algebra he was a 10th grader. He was annoying and always asked for a pencil and made weird faces at me in the hall, I never imagined it would turn out like this, I am so glad it did.

your smile, your voice, your disability

Your smile makes me sick,
your voice makes me want to kill.
That lack of emotion on your face,
your loveless motions makes me ill.

Disability,
you could never love.
Disability,
worries of caring you are free of.

Your smile makes me sick,
your voice makes me want to kill.
That lack of emotion on your face,
if only I could tell you,
but I don't have the will.