And Another.

Talking will never change their minds.
They will still choose to giggle and laugh at my kind.

Different clothes, different hair.
People point, prod and stare.
People have no compassion, they do not care.

They were only born given more then me.
Believe it or not, I am glade I was so unlucky.

I can't believe I made up three stanzas with this, not so good but whatever.

Eyes described as colorless hide my evil glance.
And a smile so beautiful lie low my intolerance.

A chest so small earth the forest fire that has taken over my heart.
You only see happy, that is just an art.

Small girlish hands won't make you query.
I'm just a little girl on the outside happy on the inside but my pain I bury.

POETRY THAT DOESN'T RHYME

I'm worn.

Sometimes I can't make everyone happy.

I now know no matter what I say my voice is pretty small.

My smile may be cute but the feelings behind it are harsh.

They rip some to shreads and put others back together.

I can't make everyone happy.

I am not asking for forgiveness.

And I am not saying sorry anymore.

THE DIRTY

sorry.

9 days of hell

I have been up north all spring break and it is like hell. First we went to the cabin with no electricity or running water. I cried for the first two days and the read a 600 page book for the other two days. My step family is so annoying well at least my aunt and grandma. I swear me and my mom were about ready to punch each of them out. We finally got to leave, oh but we couldn't go home. No we have to go the The Great Wolf Lodge...BORING. I didn't see anyone over the age of 12 there. So I spent most the day in the hotel room, not to mention the fact that my bathing suit top wouldn't stay tied on right, the park wasn't even that fun. Friday we left Traverse City to go to my family's cabin on the beach of lake Huron. It is much better here except for the fact that Friday night or last night i was throwing up for an hour straight well my mom and step dad played drinking games. Going home tomorrow is going to be great. I am going to hang out with Brandon, maybe Alex. God I can't wait to be back.

It's What I do.

Give me a chance.

Give me a chance to fall in love.

Give me a chance to be happy.
Give me a chance to feel that buzz.
Give me a chance to see what it's like.
That high you can not get from any drug.
You had your hit so pass the bowl.
Let me see what it feels like to have my heart be whole.

Mixed feelings.

So last night I texted my friend Ross for like 3 hours and talked on the phone with Brandon an hour or so. As soon as I fell asleep I started having this weird dream, it just made me even more confused about life then I was last night. Actually more confused about the future, considering the future scares the shit out of me. But I woke up to two text from my friend and an IM from Brandon, so I gave him a call, it was a great way to wake up. Then I went to have a nice talk with my mother about life and she set me straight, well she thinks she did but I still have these mixed feelings.
Anyways I started off my day with the breakfast of champions, poptarts and a kool-aid squeeze thingy.

Am I a freak?

The online dictionary describes a freak as an abnormally formed organism, especially a person or animal regarded as a curiosity or monstrosity. Am I a freak? That seems to be the question of the day. Just because I get a little smirk on my face does not mean I am going to kill you! Unless your name is Eric or Nicole, then you better watch out. Haha. Anyways People always tell me to "Calm down." and "Carley, settle down." really do I look like a psycho killer? Do I?! Well I don't think I do. But think whatever you want, when people say I am weird or a freak I simply reply "Thank you" because that means that I am like no other and I am different.

WORK

On such a nice day too. Well that is why I am walking there. I am also cutting what I eat in half, so instead of 4 pieces of pizza I will only have 2 tonight. I am hoping to loose some belly fat for summer. Wish me good luck, hopefully walking a lot will help me reach my goal of getting back down to my comfortable weight of 120ish instead of my uncomfortable 130. Well off to throw on a old tee shirt and find a new way to pin my hair, or lack of, up.

6 in the morning.

Grrr. Six in the morning. I should not be up, I should be sleeping in till 11 or 12. But no I have to be up at 5:50 to shower and primp for school. Luckly I have short hair and it does not take me to long to get ready. The only downer to today is that I have a ton of homework due first and third hour and none of it is even started yet. Usually my day is a little down if I have to work that night too, but not today. I am kinda looking forward to work tonight because I am getting out of this house and it means that I am one paycheck closer to spring break. YAY.

89 days till summer vacation. Remember that.

My latest creation

So tell me

In a world of pollution, profanity, over population, adolescence, zits, broccoli, racism, ozone depletion, sexism, stupid guys, bad rap songs, and PMS, why the hell do people still tell me to have a nice day? I mean even if I am already having a great day the annoying grin on their face brings my day down a notch, never up to an all time high. At my job I answer phones and I never tell anyone to "have a nice day" unless they say it to me. I simply say "Thank you very much" and hang up the phone. Usually they are really rude on the phone and I go share stories with my co-workers about past phone conversations that equally wreaked of rudeness and annoying.

Trip down memory lane....

I say trip because that is what I did, I tripped over this suitcase that my mom keeps with a bunch of shit from years past. My favorite thing that I found was my creative writing portfolio from 8th grade. I always wanted to be this great writer so here is some stuff i came up with when I was just starting out.

Sadness and Rumors
Rumors always floating,
floating all around,
secrets kept, no one can make a sound.
A persons secret told, my mouth doing the telling
Not realizing someone may be hurting,
for the truth has mad a sudden outing.
My best friends now my worst, but only time will tell
if my friend will forgive me for what I did not mean to tell.

Yeah it is so cheesy. I must say I have improved. Teachers don't see it though. I don't like to write my feelings for school assignments then teachers know to much. You know what I mean?

blog 2.

I should be cleaning my room.
Ha! ROOM, more like a closet I barely have room to think let alone put stuff away. Maybe my family thinks that confining me to a small room will keep me out of some trouble, to small to have a ton of people in, to messy to bring a boy in. They have no clue the evil schemes I come up with in this room. Makes me laugh when I think about what I have in here, the things they think I wont ever need or want.
I have so many pictures in here. Friends and family always watching over me, sketches and rough draft of poems that will never be published just laying around. My bulletin board alone inspires me to be creative. My walls are like a cry for attention, like an announcement on the school P.A. system "HELLO I AM DIFFERENT AND WANT TO BE CREATIVE, THANKS FOR HOLDING ME BACK!".
I think that is why I like to dance and sing, when I dance parents can't tell me what to do, or what I am doing wrong. When you dance you do whatever you want and if it looks wrong or awkward then it is so right. You go with the music, become the notes, but instead of dancing across the page you dance across a stage.

Blog 1.

So I guess I will introduce myself.
I am Carley, Jean is the middle name.
I am 15 years young, at least till August 3rd @ 11.32 pm.
Livonia Franklin High School is where I expand my mind.
I have a job at Amico's, woot! they have blogs so I thought I would give it a go.
I love to write poetry and love coming up with awesome quotes, so many blogs will be pointless quotes and poems about life.
I belong to the social clique that has many labels, for example: "Potheads"' "Burnouts" 0"Rockers" "The others"
Basically we don't give a shit what people think.
We wear what we want whether it is band shirts or polos.
I like to party, I live by this quote from a song, "Lets get fucked up and die, I'm speaking figuratively of course."
I have a boyfriend, his name is Brandon and I think he is going to be around for awhile.
I am a myspace whore, look me up, www.myspace.com/carleyjean1992
I am your average teenager on the outside, inside? well you have no clue, but if you read this blog you are going to find out.