Words Your Father Never Told You. Part 3.

The first three hours flew by. The last two, dragged on like they always did. The foot traffic through the front door had come to a complete halt. This was the time of night I hated, because I got to sit down and think about the night I answered one phone, innocent, and dropped it from my ear, heartbroken.

Expecting it to be another person asking for the owner, or if we had a certain book they needed, I answered the phone “Aldo‘s Corner“, I immediately recognized Mr. Bragsted’s voice.
“Hey Mr. Bragsted, I haven’t talked to you in like two weeks!” I whispered into the receiver with great excitement.
About ten seconds passed, enough time for him to tell me what had happened, and the phone fell from my hand. Tracy, the owner, and James, her son, were startled at the sound of hallow plastic meeting the hard wood floor. They looked intently at me for a good thirty seconds, not too sure what was really going on, and then it happened.
My knees gave out, just like they had on the day Brody left me. Luckily James ran over just in time to throw him hands under my arms and carry me to the backroom.
“Cass?” Three different voices repeated my name multiple times.
Feet scattered, and water ran. Phones rang, but no one answered them. Customers came in, Tracy dealt with them.
“He’s dead.” Two words, I said these two words well semi aware of where I was, and suddenly woke up.
“Who’s dead Cass?” James prodded for an answer, hoping it wouldn’t be anything too severe.
“Wait,” Lucy pushed James out of my line of vision, “is it Brody, Cass?”
And I just cried. I cried so hard, they wouldn’t let me drive home. I cried so hard, I wouldn’t let them take me there either. I cried so hard, and they had to lay me down on the desk in the backroom. Laying a dozen paper hand towels under my head as a makeshift pillow. I cried so hard, the customers left. I cried so hard, Tracy closed early for the first time in years. I cried so hard, and they all stayed with me until the clock struck two in the morning, and I realized I would have to go home eventually.

Sitting at the front desk was the worst, especially when the phone rang. Each time I answered it, I feared that something someone said would strike up the emotions I held up all night. Asking for a book on the marines, that would make me nearly pass out. Even asking for a book that reminded me of Lucy, that brought a few tears to my eyes, but I never once let them fall.
I had worked at Aldo’s Corner for nearly four years, ever since freshman year. My love for books, that’s what made it the perfect job. The people weren’t bad either. From the beginning, James befriended me and tried his hardest to make me feel like I belonged there. As a shy fourteen year old, Tracy scared the shit out of me, and majority of the time I had to work alone with her.
Now, shelving books, it’s not that hard. And using a computer database isn’t very difficult either. But when you have a five foot ten woman standing over your shoulder, making sure you don’t make a single mistake, your risk for error is much greater. But I prevailed, and after awhile, Tracy would leave James and I alone to run the shop. And eventually she left me there alone too.
However; this wasn’t something that happened until after Brody had died. I guess she figured I needed some alone time, time to reflect, or even a hell of a lot of time to read, because the nights she scheduled me to work alone were the slowest nights of the week.
Reading was a great pleasure of mine. It was, but no longer is. I tried a few different books, but when I get to the last chapter, I had to put them down. Finishing a book seemed like putting such a permanent end to something I loved, and I am done with permanent endings, at least when it comes to things I love.
Think about it, you finish a book, and you always know the end. You can’t change it. You find it hard to even imagine it ending a different way. And although the fairy tails end, Happily Ever After, they still end.
Lucy felt this way, but that was before Brody’s death.
I had convinced James to ask Tracy to hire Lucy. Tracy was surprisingly anxious to hire her too, once she found out that Lucy had read just about every book in the store. I guess Tracy was getting sick of lying to customers, and telling them, “Oh, why yes. That is the best book I’ve read this year. It’s just so, oh I don’t even have the words.”
Lucy was our go to girl when a customer, or even one of us, had a question about books. Specific or in general. Now, she was a distant memory to the few customers that remembered her, and a exceedingly missed person in the backroom.
I sat at the front desk, and realized an hour had past. Great, I told myself, one more to go. I pulled the messenger bag I had lugged around by my side for the past month or so up to the top of the counter. I couldn’t stop thinking about Lucy for once, so I might as well write her.
I would keep it short and sweet. Not allow too many hints that I was alone a depressed, surrounded by books, and sorrow filled looks.

Dear Lucy,
You sure are well missed, not just by me either, James and Tracy miss you too. Tracy actually makes James read the reviews and Cliff Notes on every book that comes in the door now.
I know you didn’t expect to read a letter from me without hearing about the Brody situation. But I have good news on this home front, Alice has been forcing me to go out now, usually after work. I haven’t really met anyone yet, but she is sure as hell working on it.
Yesterday was spent cleaning out my room, everything that was his went. Even though I told my mother and Alice I rather get rid of my things and keep his. But I did keep a few things. The list includes: the folded flag from his funeral, his messenger bag, any letters he sent me well at his base, one of his green t-shirts that he probably wore while resting on base, and his engraved dog tag he gave me on the day he left.
Seems like a long list, doesn’t it? It did to me, after I wrote and reread it. But compared to what I did have, it feels like he has almost completely disappeared from my life. I guess that was the point.

Much Love. Castel.