Baby, don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more.

What is love? Its been described as a tingly feeling, a punch in the gut, or a somewhat magnetic pull that attracts to it’s polar opposite. An although I feel I have been in love, I have never had these feelings when meeting someone’s eyes at first sight. Instead of waiting a lifetime to feel these somewhat unreasonable symptoms, I will lead myself to love, and no matter what all might say, it is possible to lead oneself to love.
A man must pass my checklist of love to even be considered for a chance of winning my heart. He must make me laugh. He must be able to make me smile. I can’t stand a relationship unless it contains, many disagreements, at least one quarrel a week, and threats to leave the other every other month.
It is these imperfections that we fall in love with. And maybe these imperfections are why I believed I was in love in the past. Yes, I am contradicting myself. But, I have honestly been convinced that these things are what make people fall in love.
Fatal attraction, that’s what they call it. So why shouldn’t some of a relationship be lethal? I suppose it is possible that this tingly feeling exist, but I have never felt it, so how could it be real? I have been in love after all, or maybe I just had love for that person, and never really fell into it. Perhaps that is what makes it fatal, the falling part. I suppose I only walked into it, or was brought into it, just like my mother bringing me into the world.
From the day I was born, I loved her, but there was no falling required. No risk of injury, no chance of rejection. It was just love, the only love at first sight I am sure I have experienced.
Looking is hard, maybe I’m just looking too hard.
It could be right in front of me, or down the street.
All I know is, love is not here, and that is exactly where I want it.

Sleeping Sickness

Or Sickness, causing me to lose sleep.
My left nostril is horribly clogged, sorry for the graphic terms, but it is bugging the shit out of me.
Central was fun, I got to hangout with my friend Danielle and have good talks about things like guys and dance. Although our fun was interrupted by a very drunk girl who found out her friend stole her car/phone.
I somehow convinced my mom to let me stay a whole weekend out there, hoping that Danielle can introduce me to a nice college boy.
I also convinced her to let me stay home from school until 5th hour, or 12:10.

Shannon, my marine, isn't coming home as soon as I thought. This just about crushed my day. He also can't text anymore, which is how he was keeping me updated. So, these two months need to come and go.




"But I need to know,
That you'll come back to me...
In my arms,
Oh, you'll come back to me"
- Elisa

So, I was laying in bed less than like ten minutes ago and got this idea.
So, like usual I wrote it down, but unlike usual it actually went somewhere.
So what did I do? I recorded it.
Yeah, I know, this is a first.
And my voice isn't so great.
Not to mention, while singing the last line, I messed up.

But, here are the lyrics, and I am trying to upload the clip.

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Laying in bed
Staring off into space
Doesn’t take much time to imagine your face
Lying next to me
Happy like we used to be

In my room
These four walls closing in
It’s my personal tomb
And I’m lying here
You’re not next to me
Like you always used to be

And I whisper
Into the empty air
Yes I whisper
The spirits I try not to scare
Please come back to me
Loved things the way they used to be

Ceiling fan spins at steady pace
And I can’t seem to forget that look upon your face
You were next to me
Scared, you never used to be

Lights shine in
Your smile disappears
My cheeks moist
With your tears
They just came to me
Things are nothing like they used to be

why yes sir, my camper is happy.

I am unbelievably happy right now.
My senior picture went great.
I have Arby's sitting next to me.
And the best news yet, Shannon is probably coming home.
He might be getting a medical discharge from the Marine's(:
This days has gone from horrible to amazing.

Now if this laundry would just wash itself.

Gone,

Well lucky you, off to a distant land
Here I’m stuck in my hometowns watchful hand
Who would have thought we’d only have a day
Till you would kiss my lips, then whispering
Don’t worry, I’ll be back soon, just don’t count the days

The days, written in the back of the notes I take in class
Crossing each out on a day to day base
Maybe I’m too anxious
You would say I’m just young
Lingering over those two last days of fun

Summer ended weeks ago
But somehow when you were here, it didn’t show
It didn’t show
Now you’re gone, and here I am
Waiting for a call, a word, to know your fate isn’t damned
I know I’m naive, and you are so strong
Please come back, when these winter days are gone

A single call could bring me to my feet
Glowing a happy, just look at me
You would swear I had conquered some great deed
That same connection, brought me to my knees
Begging a God I don’t pray to, to take my pain and replace it with ease

Summer ended weeks ago
But somehow when you were here, it didn’t show
It didn’t show
Now you’re gone, and here I am
Waiting for a call, a word, to know your fate is no longer damned
I know I’m naive, and you are so strong
Please come back, when these winter days are gone

Days I have crossed out in class
All of them have come and passed
But you’re still not home, you haven’t come back to me
Another call, this one from across the sea
Five bucks a minute, seems like a small fee

Winter ended weeks ago
When you were gone, I know it showed
Now you’re back, you’re waiting there
At the end of an isle, with a joyous stare
I know I’m naive, and you are so strong
You came back from me, those long winter days gone

Stand, Run, Walk.

I run
With you next to me
Taking shape
This day, it feels meant to be
We’re side by side
Where we’ll stay for life
You may grow sick
Of my childish games
My twisting of words, my reversal of sayings
But as long as everything points to happiness
Forever, you will run next to me

I stand
With you across from me
Familiar eyes
Meeting again
We’ve met, but never thought anything would come to be

I walk
With you behind me
Another stranger on the street
You’re with another her that isn’t yet me

Congress & SADD

First congress meeting was today, we accomplished a ton:
New York, New York theme dance.
Same theme for pep assembly.
Smile by Uncle Kracker is the song for homecoming.

SADD's first meeting was today too:
Watched a slide show.
Very surprised when a picture of me from prom popped up on the screen.
Oh, and I spilled my pop twice.

It should be a funnnnnnnnn and very busy year.
It will all work out (:

Things to do in the next month:
Buy shoes for homecoming.
Get a tanning package.
Save for parking pass.
Get car insurance paid.
And I would say get a date, but by choice, I am going stag (: